Lame Claim To Fame

Siapa yang tak nak terkenal? Ramai orang yang buat kerja bijak (dan juga budusss) sebab nak terkenal. Aku pun nak terkenal, jadi aku nak 'tuntut' 'hak' aku sebagai originator benda-benda ni...hahaha

I - Frasa "...kapalterbang pun boleh kena rampas, inikan pula...."

Satu hari di tahun 1991 gitu, aku sedang berborak dengan classmate aku. Timbul cite yang dia minat kat satu mamat ni (classmate aku dalam cite ni pompuan la, hape, korang ingat gay ke?) Malangnya mamat ni dah ber-awek dan classmate aku ni melahirkan kekecewaan dia (konon). Jadi bertindak sebagai 'peguam setan' aku sebut ayat ni ..."Eleh, alangkan kapalterbang boleh kena rampas, inikan pulak si Mat X tu!" Dan aku tambah lagi "Cop, KAPAL pun boleh kena rampas*!" Dan sejak itu, banyak aku dengar ayat2 sebegitu, termasuk kat drama TV!

*Merujuk kepada insiden rampasan kapal SS Achille Lauro pada tahun 1985.

II - Trend bertopi

Juga masa aku di kolej, aku selalu memakai cap. Member2 pulak naik rimas sampai suruh aku bukak...mungkin sebab tak kena dengan style aku yang mat skema....tapi dalam jangka masa 3-4 tahun lepas tu, pemakaian cap menjadi fesyen....Tony Fernandes la ni pun pakai cap kalau muncuk kat TV. Adakah aku menjadi trend-setter?

Sekian edisi merapu hari ini....

Mari Melayan Banker Afrika (Part Nine)

Nampaknya En Daud masih berminat....dan dia ajak aku pergi Liberia!

Dear Alpha

You will hear from the bank and always keep me updated.

What you will do now is to start arranging to be here for the endorsement of the Final Fund Release Order Form with the ministry of Finance so that 'Certificate of Inheritance' will be issued you which is the only legal document to show that the money going into your account is genuine, free from drugs, terrorism and money laundry.

However, an attorney can stand to sign on your behalf but I will appreciate it most if you will make it possible as that will be a very big opportunity for us to know each other and build more confidence before the fund enters your account. My country is a visa free country as you can get your visa at the port of entry.

Pls let me hear from you urgently on this to enable us know what we are doing.

Hope to hear from you soon.

Regards,

Daud.

Dan ini balasan aku....dia nak layan ke?

Dear Daud

I suppose I can travel to your country.

However, I do not recognize you. Can you send me a picture of you holding a signboard with the words 'AKU PENIPU BESOR...NGEH 3X'? That's a code word only the two of us know. Your picture can be used by me to identify you when I arrive in Liberia.

Please find the attached word document for you to use as template.

Regards

Aku Menang Loteri!!!

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Mari Melayan Banker Afrika (Part Eight)

En Daud Bersakar dah balas email query aku. Dengan baik hatinya dia beri detail 'George Weah' aku rasa cukuplah aku cakap yang George Weah ni Egyptian(!), berumur 64 tahun dan bekerja sebagai doktor....dan dengan 'data' tu, aku balas e-mail dari 'African Development Bank'. Hasilnya aku dapat 'acknowledgement receipt' macam kat atas tu....

Now I'm getting naughty. Aku turut sertakan 'ID Card' aku....

Dan juga e-mail ni....

Dear Sir
Sorry, I forgot to confirm my account details. I hereby Confirm that the detailsof my account (as emailed to you before) is true.

Also, can you email me a photograph (ID would be best) of you to confirm youridentity so that I know I'm dealing with a banker, not a scammer.

Thank you.

Rock Legend Turn Chancellor!

OK, this is actually stale news but one which should be noted by our artistes and the wannabes.

Brian May, rock star and astrophysicist, has been appointed chancellor of Liverpool John Moores University.

May will be installed as the university's figurehead leader early next year, it was announced Monday. The 60-year-old Queen guitarist said the appointment was "a great honor and a great new challenge."

He is an honorary fellow of Liverpool John Moores University, which has a well-known astrophysics research institute.

"Brian May is an intensely talented individual who achieved global success with Queen," said the university's vice chancellor, Michael Brown, in a statement. "In this age of celebrity culture, it is rare to find someone who has fame, fortune and universal acclaim and yet who remains true to his core values of learning and enlightenment."

Liverpool John Moores University was formed in 1992 from the former Liverpool Polytechnic.

It should also be noted that earlier on Brian May received his PhD from Imperial College, London (which is one of the top Universities in the UK, if not the world). Whilst he did leave his studies as a result of Queen's popularity, what he left was his doctoral studies. Our artistes tend to be school leavers...some are dropouts! (One or two do have PhDs but from dubious institutions...haha).

Well, that's Brian May, music legend and scholar. And by the way, do you know that Rowan Atkinson (Mr. Bean) has a MSc from Oxford University?

Mari Melayan Banker Afrika (Part Seven)

Email terbaru dari Mr Bersakar

Dear Partner.

How are you today? I hope your alright.

Have you sent the answers back to the bank?

Pls get to me urgently to enable me know the situation of things.

Hope to hear from you soon.

Regards.

David.

Aku balas balik

Hello David.

I am fine, I just took leave for a couple of days to unwind. The girls at the border town bars sure know how to please their man.

OK regarding the bank. I don't know the answers to these questions
:1. The name of the deceased's firm and the registration number.
2. What kind of account he is operating
3. His account number
4. Is he married, and if so, the name of his wife.

I cannot just put whatever details as I like as the bank will know that I am trying to trick them. Please advise.

Your buddy
Alpha

Mari Melayan Banker Afrika (Part Six)

Dalam masa yang sama aku dapat email dari Mr Bersakar

Dear Partner.
I received your email and will like to bring to your mind that we have started the journey of a great fortune and we should try by every means to make this a success.

You should try by every possible means and make it to my country for us to get this transaction successfuly completed as this will be required from you once approval is granted. An attorney can stand to process all the requiremnts and sign on your behalf but I will appreciate if you will make it possible to be here as that will be a very big opportunity for us to know each other and build more confidence.

Moreover, you should watch out for a proposal of this nature and pls do not reply any. Due to the developmental needs of Burkina Faso many foreign investors and contractors flood here for contracts and investments. Many also use that medium to engage in an illegal transaction. Because these ills are not checked following the country's agreement with the IMF as benefits to the developing countries, many foreigners used the opportunity to execute many illegal transactions like drug and money laundry. Since the discovery of these ills by the Blaise government an order has been given to confiscate all the foreign account with any bank that have been dormant for the purchase of arms and armmunition. Bank officials like I personally have discovered such account whereas the reason I would want the funds approved in your name as the beneficiary. Do not reply any email that might come for this kind of proposal as all the files will pass through the Ministry of Finance and it will look suspicious if your name is in two different files. Also the 2002 African Union summit held in Durban, South Africa, following the 11th september attack initiated the AU Fund Transfer Monitoring Agents to monitor all the SWIFT money transfers coming in and going out of Africa in a way to checkmate the world's most threatening human disaster 'Terrorism' which has caused a lot of damage and dread to the human person. All the file of every international money transfer must pass through AU monitoring agents before the funds will be transferred. Pls you should immediately stop communications with them so that we will not have anything to regret in this transaction. This is a life time transaction and we should not in any way mess it up. All you have to do is to forward such email to me for advise. Keep me updated once you hear from the bank.

Punya la tamak...sampai kata jangan layan permintaan lain yang serupa!

Ni balasan aku...

Dear David.I have received email from the bank. They want me to fill a form which details Iam not familiar with such as information of the deceased guy. What shall I do? I have attached the said form for your reference.