Keyboard Warrior Blues

Well, it has been nearly four years after KD Tunku Abdul Rahman was inducted into the Royal Malaysian Navy and received bad press for it's perceived 'inability' to dive. Blown out of all proportion by certain individuals, the problem had been solved,  and even certain members of the Parliament had taken a ride in the submerged boat during LIMA 2011. However, many still believe that KD TAR remain 'unsubmergeable' and was actually a hands-me-down boat (how come a new-build boat can be considered a second-hand item?). I found them in Facebook (where else?) commenting on the photo of the ex-Ouessant of the French Navy, now at Klebang, Melaka:

Okay, first of all, the Facebook page is called 'Only In Malaysia' - possibly implying ridiculous things that only happen in Malaysia and nowhere else. Underneath the photo, the administrator wrote: " Cool submarine...Take a look, for the first time ever in musuem (sic) now :D " Hello, there were six submarine museums in the US, two in the UK and a number of others in India, Germany, Australia and a few other countries...so how it could be 'only in Malaysia'? And as for the rest of the comments, here's the crown jewels:

"Submarine that cant go into water, only in malaysia indeed." (Commented above)

"mmng bleh dive...tp kang takut x timbul2....." (there is no news about sub disaster till today)

" OIC.....so buy 2 get 1 free lah! I wonder is our country really have a great history in Maritime??" (Yes we did, all the way from the days of the Malaccan Sultanate, go read your history books)

 

"BRAVO! CHEERS! More taxpayers' money used to buy a very expensive piece of historical monument. I'm pretty sure the museum is overcrowded with people wanting to see the submarine that never worked..." (That submarine served the French Navy from 1978 to 2001. From 2005 to 2009 it was used to train Malaysian submariners, so it did work!)

"Right. Explains why I keep seeing our Royal Navy training very hard with that submarine. I'm pretty sure our seas are MUCH safer." (Right, belittling our navy men huh? The two comments above were made by the same person. At least he has the balls to apologize)

"this is our money in the form of unsinkable submarine. put some sails on it and wallah! a yatch."  (Another soul who get their Scorpenes and Agostas mixed up)

 "Beli 2 besi buruk, free 1 sampah karat". (There were photos of the Scorpene's hull halves being mated together, so how come it's scrap metal?)

But I guess this one takes the cake:

"Training should be done using simulation, so u can cut cost, upgrade newer version software without spending so much money on the older stuff.... To our previous government please not all Malaysian are stupid. Don't cook up some bullshit story. I am not buying it" (emphasis added)

Kid, (I don't know if a bearded man can still be called a kid) being in the military is not like playing Command and Conquer. And seeing that you're an employee of TNB made my palm and face sore from being facepalmed again and again. I don't how TNB do their job but I guess computer simulations were followed by actual tests right, that is, if you're one of the engineers / tech guys and not some admin type. Heck even pilots who started with simulations have to pilot the real aircraft eventually. As for submarine training, sure, simulations are useful that CANNOT take place of being inside a real submarine, hundreds of feet below crushing water, hearing the hull creak from differing pressure when they change depth. and since the first time we ever operate a submarine, we sure need a real sub to train the initial batch of submariners. Of course not all Malaysians are stupid, unfortunately, you're not one of them....sorry!!

The rest of the comments mainly reflected the public's confusion between Ouessant and Scorpene. To be fair though, it is quite clear why. Politicians and their supporters harp upon the Scorpene's (solved) problem, then came photos of Ouessant with its dirty, unkempt-looking hull. Certain people simply tie the two together, not noting the difference and came up with the comments such as quoted above. The organisation that decided to turn Ouessant into a museum should at least repaint the boat before hauling it onto Klebang. Just look at other museum subs and ships elsewhere....like HMS Belfast at London, or even the 200-year old HMS Victory. Let's hope they get their act together and make the ex-Ouessant a really worthwhile museum to visit.

Low Cost Deployment

Okay, I may be quite late in publishing this post but I can't help getting amused by the hoo-haah caused by the deployment additional troops to face the situation in Lahad datu, Sabah. The Ministry of Defence decided to transport our troops from Peninsular bases to the current hot spot using Airbus A320s of Air Asia, instead of the regular military transport planes.Appararently, this caused the better-informed among Malaysians to understand the reasons, whilst the less-informed wondered what went wrong with TUDM's C-130 force, whilst the idiots badly informed merely said that that was just another method of wasting taxpayers' money and another example of government wastage.

According to media reports, at least 700 troops were sent to Sabah. The C-130 can only carry 92 passengers whilst an Airbus A320 can carry some 180 with their kit and other equipment stowed in the cargo bay and at higher speeds (828km/h to Hercules' 540km/h). So it can be said that it was more efficient to use the civil aircraft. Furthermore, the C-130 is designed as a tactical airlifter, with less consideration toward creature comforts. With the (then) situation getting more critical, it is imperative that the troops be sent to area quickly and in the required number. Besides, it was quite norm, even for the vaunted US armed forces, which use chartered civilian airliners for large scale overseas deployment despite numbers of C-130s, C-17s and US's largest airlifter, the C-5 Galaxy - from Vietnam to Iraq. Furthermore, the C-130 were needed to transport other military equipment/

The badly-informed however use photos of US troops disembarking from a C-17 Globemaster III and Chinese troops getting into a Shaanxi Y-8 to show how bad is our military but, I can say that the photo of the US troops were probably somewhere in Iraq or Afghanistan or as the US slang said - 'in-country deployment' - where tactical airlifter is needed. The Chinese photo quite clearly shows that the troops are actually PARATROOPERS - of course they need to board a Y-8!

Apparently people make fun of the notion that our troops were using Air Asia is because of the latter's status as a low-cost airliner - I wonder if people make fun out of the military's usage of Malaysia Airlines' planes?

A Javanese Soul Food

Nasi ambeng is a traditional Javanese rice dish. I consider it as my soul food, as I am being mainly of Javanese blood. I loved it when my late father came back from a kenduri with a pack of nasi ambeng in his hand and I made it a point to buy it at the local pasar malam whenever I go balik kampung.

So what is nasi ambeng consists of? Nowadays commercially-available nasi ambeng has a number of side dishes (lauk) to choose from, somehow spoiling its authenticity, but I consider the 'true' nasi ambeng consiting of these:

- steamed rice

- fried noodle or fried vermicelli

- ayam masak kicap (chicken in soy sauce)

- sambal goreng* (most of the time replaced with stir fried green beans, suhun, tempeh and tofu)

- salted fish (any dried fish will do but usually 'ikan bulu ayam' (as it resembles chicken feathers)

- serunding kelapa

- fried tempeh (usually none as tempeh is already a key ingredient in sambal goreng and/or fried green beans)

*mixture of beef liver (which I gladly put aside), prawns (also set aside), glass vermicelli (suhun), tofu, tempeh, coconut milk and spices (sometimes with potato added)

Looks just like your slightly above-average nasi campur right? The final stuff to make it great is banana leaf. As many have known, banana leaves impart subtle flavor to dishes. In this case, the whole shebang is served on a banana leaf.....hmm yummy!

As mentioned before nasi ambeng is now commercially available but back in the 80s (and even earlier) it was the staple of Javanese households holding a kenduri. However the rice is not served in plates but in large, round trays which served 4 per tray. Traditionally, the guests however just ate a bit, and after dividing the rice and its dishes into 4 equal parts, proceeded to pack them inside the banana leaves, to be brought home so that the guests' families can also have a taste. But more usually, at least in my neighbourhood, separately packed nasi ambeng were given to the guests, known as nasi berkat @ bontrot. This Javanese tradition (adapted by the rest of the Malay community) helps foster closer ties in the neighbourhood - whilst the head of the household is invited to a kenduri, the rest of the family is not forgotten. 

There is another, not really noticeable function of the said practice, which is now probably negated by the commercialisation of nasi ambeng. By bringing back berkat@bontrot, the wives of the guests can be certain their husbands really went to a kenduri instead of using the kenduri as the cover for their extra-marital activities!

Ubat Pandai

Dalam Metro hari ni, aku terbaca iklan satu iklan syarikat perubatan alternatif (yang sebenarnya ada setiap hari, cuma kali ni aku terpanggil nak menulis). Iklan tu kata produk dia, antaranya minyak sapuan yang telah 'dibacakan 30 juzuk Al-Quran' (sepertimana produk2 dia yang lain). Lepas tu macam biasa ada testimonial. Terstimonial tu kata 'Anak saya malas belajar, asyik nak main video game bila balik sekolah...taknak ulangkaji dan buat homework. Dekat2 peperiksaan, saya calit minyak ni kat dahi dia dan campur dalam air mandi dia. Dia terus cemerlang dalam peperiksaan dan KINI dia dah terer dah, manjang dapat nombor satu! (lebih kurang macam tu le)

Aku bukan menidakkan mukjizat Ayat-Ayat Al-Quran...dan kalau Allah kata 'Jadi!' maka jadilah perkara yang dikehendaki-Nya, cuma aku sangsi sikit dengan testimonial tu....takkan setakat calit minyak kat anak tu automatik budak tu terus jadi genius dalam exam? Ni bukan kes budak tu dah study, dah pergi tiusyen dah pergi kelas motivasi tapi dah bahagian dia tak pandai-pandai jugak...ni memang kata anak dia tak study langsung, asyik main aje? Sedangkan Allah dah berfirman dalam Surah Al-Ra'ad, Ayat 11 yang dalam Bahasa Malaysia ".... Sesungguhnya Allah tidak mengubah apa yang ada pada sesuatu kaum sehingga mereka mengubah apa yang ada pada diri mereka sendiri." Dan dalam ayat ni kekefahaman aku ialah sesuatu kaum tu kena berusaha secara lahiriah dan batiniah untuk mengubah nasibnya...bukan main calit-calit aje tanpa usaha sebenar.....Wallahualam....

p.s. Macam mana dia bacakan 30 juzuk Al-Quran depan produk-produk dia? Ada orang tadarus depan beribu2 botol? Atau guna CD Al-Quran aje? Ada guna equivalent 3x Surah Al-Ikhlas = 1 Al-Quran? Serta guna konsep 'air Yasin' (Air yang baca depan orang baca Yasin, bila nak habis, top-up aje...kira masih ada khasiat....) Jadi tak perlu berkali2 nak duduk depan botol2 air...cuma baca sebotol lepas tu expand air tu....

Audition

September 1, 2012 was a bit special - we went for an audition! After years of watching me chuckling at TV gameshow contestants, my wife encouraged me to go for audition for the second season of a particularly popular gameshow on the local satellite TV. Since the show require pairs of contestants, naturally she became my team-mate. Adverts on TV stated that the nearest location was at Penang, on the 1st and 2nd of September. We decided to go on the 1st.

We anticipated that there would be many aspiring couples like ourselves and since the venue is roughlyone-and-a-half hours away, we started early - right after Subuh prayers. The kids were also roused early - they can sleep on the way. Eventually we arrived around 8.15. Whaddaya know, the line is already quite long although mostly they are just queing for the entry forms. One snag though, it was not stated at the website but we saw notices being put up stating that entry forms would not be accepted unless enclosed with a photocopy of ICs. What to do? it was still early in the morning, the nearby shops were still closed. So, I asked my wife whether she can request help from the hotel's front office. Luckily enough, they agreed although I hearld later that the production team waived the IC requirement.

After a relatively short wait (well, we were early), we were given our registration number. veterans of the first season audition gave some pointers on what to expect (or rather the production team's expectation) during the audition. I overheard a couple behind me doing some 'revision' on their general knowledge ("Ibu negeri Perlis apa?" "Airport Singapore nama apa?"). Talking to an older gentleman, he said that the production doesn't really expect the contestants to be 100% correct in their mock game/audition, just the way they carry themselves in front of the camera. 

What we didn't expect however was that there is now a new first stage - written test! We have to answer 20 multiple-choice questions within 10 minutes. Was it hard? I guess so....there were a number of questions that had me scratching my head....

The 'invigilators' siad that they have prepared a bunch of question sets so that no two batches of contestants would answer the same set. Furthermore, the passing mark was 13 out 20 - no averages between the two contestants. So if one gets 15/20 but the other 7/20, they won't move on to the second stage. My wife confessed that the didn't know much but since we sat side-by-side...well...heheh.

After we finished the test, we're off to the second room where a briefing were given and those who managed to get to the second stage are announced. We were informed tht there only 4 couples out of 35 in the first batch managed to go to the second stage. I guess it was that tough for us all. When it was our batch's turn to be announced (we're in the second batch by the way), Alhamdulillah, we managed to go to the second stage! And we're only one of four couples in our batch that managed to go through....And whilst waiting for our turn for the second stage, we saw that in the suceeding batches, again onlythree to four couples managed to go through.

Eventually it was our turn for the second stage. The room was set up (more or less) like the 'finals' set - with the 'interviewers' in front. One guy acts as the 'host'. But before we start our mock game, we were interviewed first. One of the interviewers asked me which question(s) during the first staged which i found 'hard'. I told them them that I'm not sure of my answers to these questions:

- Who is the writer of the novel 'Ombak Rindu'

- Who is the director for the horror movie 'Histeria'

- The value of 'L' in the Roman numerals

 and then I told them my answers, which he told me that I was correct in all three. I was quietly pleased with that since it meant that I got a perfect score! He then asked my wife whether she copied my answers,which my wife merely smiled and I jokingly said that since I sat to her right, I didn't know what happened to my left! Obviously my wife also score perfectly and probably the panel were puzzled why this housewife knows about Waterloo and Napoleon or that the second highest mountain in the world is K2!

Then it was time for the mock game. The 'host' asked us 'The World AIDS Day is celebrated on which date?' The answer immediately comes to my mind but in order to 'play' for the camera I mocked up a discussion with my wife. We decided to answer 'December 3rd' and put all our (photocopied) 'money' on that answer. Of course we 'won'! The interviewers then thanked us for our participation. Whilst flush with our 'victory', a small voice nagged at the back of my head - short interviews would either mean you got the job or not....

Postscript

Mid- September came and went and with that our hopes of winning a million bucks faded. Actually a junior of mine during schooldays works with the producers and it was through him that I know that we didn't make it...perhaps we were not 'happening' enough for TV.....

Dude, Where's My Coat?

Government employees enjoy some perks, among them warm clothing allowance if one is posted overseas or go overseas in the official capacity. The catch was:

- One can claim that allowance once every three years (so if you went to the UK this year and claimed the allowance, you can't claim again when one goes to Norway the next year)

- Claim is only valid if the country of destination is located north of the Tropic Of Cancer and south of the Tropic Of Capricorn. For countries astride the said latitudes, the actual destination would be taken into account (Say, one can claim if one goes to Adelaide, Australia but not if one goes to Darwin)

The sum was quite princely, well at least to me - RM750 around fifteen years ago and RM1,500 today. So one day, this guy came to the office to submit his application for the said allowance. Allowance claims were not under my purview - it just happened that I was in my colleague's room (who did). So the exchange went something like this:

guy : Encik X (my colleague), saya nak buat permohonan elaun pakaian panas.

Mr X : Nak pergi mana?

Guy : Costa Rica

Me : Huh? Costa Rica ( Costa Rica is bloody tropical, what for?)

Mr X (consulting a world map): Tapi Costa Rica bukan atas garisan 45 darjah?

Me : Betul tu, kenapa nak buat tuntutan?

Mr X : Sebab tempat saya seminar tu atas gunung....

Me : (inner thoughts) Kalau macam tu, pergi Genting Highlands pun boleh claim....

Mr X : Tak boleh, sebab Costa Rica bukan negara yang layak boleh tuntut...

Guy: (trying to spin things) Er, flight saya connecting kat LA...US layak kan mohon?

Mr X : (rather annoyed) tempat transit mana boleh kira....

Guy : Ni tak boleh claim la ye?

Mr X Ye la!

Hmm...

Perodua Myvi In Israel? What's This?!

In the MyMil forum, one of us shared a photo from another chap's FB. Even though he uses Prof. Datuk Dr Shamsul Amri Baharuddin's photo as his profile pic, that is not the Prof's FB, alright?

Oh no! How could a Perodua Myvi can be in Israel? Is this proof that our Government is actually having trade relations with the Jews? Who should answer this? Perodua? MITI? The Prime Minister?!

Let's look at the facts, shall we?

1. That photo is in Israel. - look at the banner with Hebrew written on it at the background.

2. Israeli vehicle registration plate is in yellow (doesn't matter if it's Arab- or Jewish-owned). Vehicles in Occupied Territories have theirs in white.

3. Perodua Myvi (not Myvy) is also known as (deep breath) Toyota Passo aka Daihatsu Boon aka Daihatsu Sirion...hehehe.

So that photo is actually of a Toyota Passo or Daihatsu Boon/Sirion exported by Japan to Israel and NOT Perodua Myvi exported by Malaysia. Apparently the FB owner has absolutely no idea about Perodua cars' origins....Oh well perhaps he feels that he has no need to know about that....

But the funniest thing is not that chap's ignorance but the 44 people who 'liked' his Status Update....with no one pointing out the whole Passo/Boon/Sirion thing....